He who laughs last…

March 8, 2009

Get Sexy, Crunchless Abs!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Rachel @ 9:42 pm

Tired of doing crunches?  Tired of the back and neck pain?  Tired of not seeing results?  Well, say no more.  The solution to getting sexy, crunchless abs is finally here!

Introducing COUGH AND COLD ABS!  Using this proven method*, you can get the abs you’ve always wanted without the pain of sit-ups or crunches!

The science behind COUGH AND COLD ABS is simple.  When done correctly, coughing and sneezing contracts the abdominal muscles.  With repetitions, your stomach naturally becomes firmer, leaner, and sexier!  Using COUGH AND COLD ABS, you’ll finally have the abs you’ve always dreamed of!**

“I started using COUGH AND COLD ABS after catching a cold from my co-worker, and the results are amazing!  My abs look sexier, and best of all, I  feel sexier!” -Brenda, 32, MA

“COUGH AND COLD ABS really work!  My abs look great, and my husband absolutely loves them!  He loves them so much that he wants to try COUGH AND COLD ABS.  I’m going to sneeze on him tomorrow to help him get started!” -Emily, 41, CO

“Doing regular crunches never worked for me, but with COUGH AND COLD ABS, I’m finally seeing the results I want!  Getting sick, having a throbbing headache, losing my voice, and not getting any sleep while I’ve been doing COUGH AND COLD ABS is sooo worth it!” -Rachel, 20, MN

So what are you waiting for?  Get started on your COUGH AND COLD ABS today!

For just $29.95, we’ll send you a used Kleenex, which you can breathe into and within 24 hours, you’ll start seeing results!  As an added bonus, we’ll also send you a clean Kleenex for your runny nose, which is part of the process to getting sexy abs!  So don’t hesitate!  Call now!

*Not really
**Results may vary

November 22, 2008

And what do YOU want for Christmas, little girl?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Rachel @ 1:18 pm

Dear Santa,

My name is Rachel, and as you can probably guess, I’m writing to you because I have a request for this coming Christmas season. Before I begin, however, I would just like to say that I think I’ve been pretty good this year.

Well, kinda sorta.

Okay, I’ll admit lately I haven’t been the best person, but I haven’t been too terrible either! And from April to June, I was being really good! For real. And hey, at least now I’m being sincere, unlike little Susie over there who’s asking for a pony and saying she’s been good even though she’s probably dealing on the side.

Anyway, if my sincerity and my attempts to be good amount to anything, I would like to make a specific request for the holidays. Okay. Santa, I am kindly requesting the Yamaha SLG100s. Now, I know it’s a little expensive and the economy isn’t too hot right now, but please consider what I am asking of you. I promise that if you get it for me, I’ll be really, really, really good. Pinky-friggin-promise, yo. And you know what? To make the deal even sweeter, I can pay for half of it. I would pay for all of it myself and spare you the trouble of reading my letter, but a good chunk of my money was stolen by the University of Minnesota, and unfortunately, I am not in the position to be making major purchases right now. So please, Santa, consider my request for the Yamaha SLG100s. Please.

However, if this is a just an impossible request to fulfill, then Santa, I would please like a hat–preferably one that covers my ears, like this one or this one. Winter is a cold, cold season. I would like to be as warm as I possibly can.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, Santa. Best of luck with the holiday season!

Your biggest fan,
Rachel

October 8, 2008

I must not have gotten the memo…

Filed under: Work — Rachel @ 10:07 am

… that today is “Leave the OD Intern All By Herself” Day at OMS. :(

My office is divided into two parts: the front office and the back office. Overall, we have 18 employees– 10 in the front office and eight in the back. However, at this very moment, there are two people in the front office and two people in the back.

Four people.

Out of 18.

So where is everyone?

Well, more people were here this morning, but they left. All the bigwigs of the office are at training and they took a couple other people with them.  IT Guy Matt is at a doctor’s appointment. Intern Bri (the one I share an office with) didn’t show up today, so I’m guessing she’s sick. The IT interns and Office Assistant Gabe are still in class. And other people aren’t coming in until later…

[cue Eric Carmen's "All By Myself"]

[in surround sound]

To make matters worse, I woke up this morning with a ginormous headache, and so to alleviate my headache, I made a full pot of coffee at work today not realizing at the time that people were leaving/not here. So even though I made a vow to cut down on my coffee consumption, I’ve been left to drink all the coffee I made. I’m only on my second cup. And I’ve already peed three times since I got to work. I don’t even like coffee. Even though it keeps me warm and it can taste good sometimes and it makes my headaches better and it makes me happy and it feels good…

Anyway! This kind of made my day: Click!

You know, I wouldn’t be so lonely if Supervisor Andy I want one. Or three.would just approve my proposal to get an office kitten.

Halfway through writing that last sentence, I took another bathroom break.

Lalala. Coffee. I think it’s about time for cup #3.

In other news, IT Intern Mike kidnapped my keyboard and gave me a crappy one that’s crooked, so I’m using a coupon book and my stack of Post-It Notes to make it even. Yay for being resourceful and improvising!

Oh man, I need to work. I’m too distracted right now.

The other day, I walked all the way from work back to campus. I work on 29th and Como, so that was like a hundred billion miles! Yay for being healthy and exercising!

Guess what! The only supervisor left at the office just told me we’re going to shut down the office for lunch and go somewhere to eat. YUSSS!

Also, I’m in love with the trees outside my window. They’re turning pretty fall colors. Mmm…

Ahh distractions! Caffeine!

The phone just rang! Once. Wrong number?

Okay. I’m getting back to work now. Fo real.

June 17, 2007

It’s about time

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Rachel @ 10:51 pm

For the first time since the 19th of May, I get to sleep in my own bed. :) I was starting to get sick of sleeping on the floor, the couch, my sister’s room, and various other places. It’ll be nice to have my own space again. Yet being back in my own room feels weird. It’s as if it’s not really my room. I’m just another guest… Maybe I just need to settle in some more, unpack my things, and mess up the place. Then it should start to feel more like home.

And while I’m on the topic of things overdue, I guess I should explain my blog name and the whole “moose” thing. Basically, all you need to know is this:

I love moose.

Okay, that’s not all you need to know, I guess. But where to start? I suppose I should mention that one of my favorite Disney cartoon shorts is called, “Morris the Midget Moose.” For you slow learners out there, it’s about a moose named Morris… who’s a midget… He tries to fit in with the other moose, but they just laugh at him because he’s vertically challenged. One day, the moose gather around to challenge the most badass moose around, Thunderclap. One by one, Thunderclap beats the shit out of all the moose. And when it comes down to Morris’ turn, Thunderclap takes one look at him, laughs, and blows him off. At this point, Morris is depressed, and in his depression, he is approached by another moose, Balsam. Balsam comforts Morris and tells him that he’s just like him. Balsam’s not a midget, but he too has a physical feature that he’s ashamed of: his tiny, tiny antlers. Recognizing they’re practically the same, they decide to become friends and help each other out. Things are swell and dandy until Thunderclap decides to hold another challenge. This time, Morris and Balsam team up, and through a wacky turn of events, end up scaring the shit out of Thunderclap [that sucka]. So, I guess the moral of the story is that people should work together to accomplish goals. Or something.

So… I guess I identify with Morris. Especially in more recent times. There are a number of things in my life, including Mike’s and my breakup, that my friends and family don’t really understand. Heck, I might not even understand it fully. With that, I’m using this blog to be my Balsam. I can write to let things out and maybe gain some better understanding. This journal and I will go hand in hand (hand on keyboard?) to get through all the shtuff. And a blog, especially one that not too many of my friends know about, won’t judge me. I’m hoping that with my writing I can get through whatever life throws at me.

I don’t think I’m very satisfied with that analysis. So screw it. We’ll just say I named this blog what I did because I love moose. Or maybe I’ll be more creative and analytical later and think of a better analogy.

Anyway… I miss Mike.

And with that, it’s time for me to go to bed.

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