And the awkwardness continues!

Have I mentioned that “awkward” is one of my favorite words? It’s just so definitive of my life. So, just how awkward can Rachel’s weekend be? Let’s count.

Last Friday was The Big Show at the high school. I was 1/3 of the Jazz Band Superfans… Represent? Yeah. It was a good concert, although last year was a lot… Bigger. I guess it would’ve been hard to top last year’s concert. I mean, cookies, an accordion, and a motorcycle?! Mmm, a recipe for awesome.

Sadly, the audience was kinda lame this year. Not too many people showed up. Mike’s whole family showed up and sat two rows right behind me. Awkward #1. Oh well. I don’t even know if they know me. Anyway, I ended up sitting with some guys I graduated with. And then Emma* showed up… Awkward #2. She’s one of Mike’s ex-girlfriends. And while that puts us in the same category, unlike her, I don’t hate Mike. And I’m not going to make him miserable for the next eight-ish months after our breakup. I can understand her resentment. He did break up with her through a text message… But I’m not gonna try to milk the breakup and make his next girlfriend feel bad. And if that does happen… it won’t be on purpose.

Anyway! The concert was cool. Cool music. Cool people. And amazing solos! Who knew the cowbell could sound so… multi-dimensional? It was friggin’ sweet. Also, during a song, Swanny told Mike to solo. So, he got up in front, and damn. Just… damn. He was hot. Especially in all-black concert attire. His solo was pretty sweet too. And he did this thing with his eyebrows and made the cutest face when he was hitting them high notes. And when he walked back to his stand, I’ll admit– even though I shouldn’t, but who’s gonna read this anyway?– I checked out his ass. Yeah, that’s right. Eyes. Ass. Contact. I always loved that boy’s ass. I’m not an ass girl, by any means. Heck, I barely even notice them. But geez! I really liked his ass. I really shouldn’t have looked, but I couldn’t help it. I’m still physically attracted to him, and I mean really attracted. Thus, in the 3.4 seconds I spent staring at his ass, I created Awkward #3.

After the concert, I talked to a few people and Mike. It was a bit weird since it seemed like he had a hard time looking at me… Awkward #4. We talked about the end of the year and graduating, which kinda sorta lead me to asking about his grad party. Apparently, it was going to be on Sunday. Thanks for the short notice? Yeah. That was like Awkward #4.5. I also talked to Emma for a while, and since talking to her is slighty discomforting, we’ll call that Awkward #5.

Saturday was pretty awkward-free. Hooray for me.

But Sunday. Oh, Sunday. Went to church, then some friends’ house so we could go to Mike’s party… We got there, congratulated Mike and I gave him a hug before giving him his gift. Awkward #6. I know I shouldn’t have spent so much time and effort on his present, but I wanted to give him something special. And besides, it wasn’t too much effort. I just made him a little handwritten book called, “How to Survive Your First Year of College,” and put fun little tips in there. I also got him a shot glass and put a “seal” on it. Heh. Anywho… I talked to some people, felt awkward, and looked at Mike’s pictures growing up, which were sooo cute. But to top that, Mike’s little toddler cousins were there, and seeing him interact with them was just–omigosh. It was so CUTE. Freaking adorable #1. Damn. Made me want him even more. And as I stared at him, I thought, “he’s going to make a great father someday,” and in thinking so created Awkward #7. I should not have such thoughts… anymore…

After a while, we left. I got home, and who calls me asking if I knew where to find an extra clarinet? Emma. Awkward #8 (I never gave her my number). So we talked, and that night, we had rehearsal for the Junk’s concert. Mike came, and I got to ask him a few things. Just to clear the air between us. Awkward #9. We decided I was keeping our fish. After talking, we were standing with a group of people, when Sandra’s sister, who happens to be my other close friend’s ex-gf (she dumped him 2 weeks after Mike dumped me), came up to Mike and gave him a hug that lasted a little too long for my liking. And the flirt did it right in front of me! And her ex! What. The. Frick. Awkward #107981234… fine, 10.

After rehearsal, a bunch of us headed to a going away party for a friend. He’s going to Iraq… I drove Sandra, because driving is scary and I didn’t want to drive alone (especially through tight, construction areas). I did a bad job of driving, and when I parked in front of the house, who parked in front of me? Mike. Okay, great. I took my time getting out and when I did, he smiled, and what’s the first thing he said? “You drive really slow.” Awkward #11. Why? Of all people, why did it have to be him that drove behind me? Sandra came to my defense, however, and he agreed that it was enough that I drove. And he did say that he hadn’t been behind me the whole time. Yay. Score one measly point for Rachel.

The party went well. Small talked with Mike for a little bit. I really wish I could’ve talked to him more…

Is it unhealthy to miss him this bad? I don’t care. Call me sick. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want. I still miss him…

Well, that about sums up the awkwardness of my weekend. There were more awkward moments, but at this point, I’m ignoring them. Besides, most of the moments I’ve listed here are big awkward moments, not just little dinky ones. The dinky ones tend to not have much effect anymore as I’m so used to them now. I’ll wrap this up now, but before I do, I guess I should summarize the rest of my night:

Left the party. Panicked about driving in the dark. Ignored my brain and better judgment. Took a very obvious wrong turn home.

Awkward #12.

All the cool kids think

These past few days have been interesting. Well, maybe “interesting” isn’t the right word. “Thought-provoking” might be better.

I was talking to my friend Sandra* and told her that there were a lot of things on my mind (i.e. Mike). So, she suggested that we hang out, talk about things, and get things off our chests. I was totally cool with that. Sandra is one of my closest friends from high school, and we shared a lot with each other, especially in the boy department. However, I knew that she hadn’t been a big fan of Mike and had yet to really ask me about our breakup, so I decided that if we were to hang out, I wouldn’t be the one to bring him up in our conversation. With that, I agreed to hang out with Sandra on Wednesday.

However, what I thought was going to be some one-on-one bonding time turned out to be a trip to the Bell Museum/the U and the Tea Garden/Macalester with Peter and David, friends from high school. It was fun despite the rain. I really liked hanging out with those people, even Peter and David, who I don’t know very well. Still, I would’ve liked to have talked to Sandra about Mike since talking about it helps sometimes. Oh well. I didn’t want to bring it up and ruin the light atmosphere. And besides, Sandra knew that the whole Mike issue was on my mind, and if she didn’t ask me about it, I figured she didn’t want to talk about it. So, once again, oh well.

To continue the thought-provoking days was tonight’s band concert at the high school. It was The Junk’s last concert. I’m going to miss her. It won’t be the same to visit the high school since she won’t be around. She had a really good run though. A lot of alumni (including a lot of class of ‘06, ‘05, and a 20-something dude with a green mohawk) came to watch her last concert. It was a really good program, although the traditional senior slideshow was better last year…

Adding to tonight’s events was seeing Mike for the first time since we broke up. He came out with a few people at the very start of the concert to play a fanfare and my heart started racing. By the time he left the stage, I was on the verge of tears. It was really, really nice to see him, but seeing him made me realize how much I miss him. I was able to talk to him and give him a hug after the concert, which felt nice. It was a little awkward, but I think we’re capable of being friends at the least. Well, I hope we are…

Geez, I’m pooped. I could do without the thought-provoking days for a while. I’m tired of thinking.