It’s funny how much things have changed in a year.
But you wanna know what’s even funnier?
It’s funny how some things haven’t changed even after a year.
And by “funny”, I mean “sad”.
August 7, 2008
February 14, 2008
January 1, 2008
2008… Great?
First off, Happy New Year! Here’s to hoping that this year will be better than the last.
And with the coming of the new year, it’s only natural to discuss the matter of new year’s resolutions! So. What’s my resolution?
To actually make some this year. And in a timely fashion.
A couple years ago, I didn’t make any resolutions until the middle of February. This year, I think I actually have some and January 1st isn’t even over! Woo. But as of now, the content of my resolutions will remain a secret. Don’t ask me why. That’s just how I want it. At least for a while.
Wow. Could this post be any more boring? Yeah, that’s how I like to kick off the first post of 2008.
In other news, I got a new cellphone a few weeks ago… Whatever.
September 7, 2007
I’m ready for Starbucks again
Yesterday was the four-month anniversary of Mike’s and my breakup. Today marks one month after we had our talk on the front step of his house. And with that, I decided enough time had passed and that I was ready to go back to the Starbucks on Washington Ave.
Starbucks, for those of you who don’t know or don’t remember, is where Mike and I broke up. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to consume anything from Starbucks, much less pass by that specific Starbucks without feeling a wave of melancholy wash over me.
Yeah, I know. It sounds like I’m being way too dramatic about a stupid cafe, but as soon as I walked in, it just brought me back to that Sunday four months ago. I remembered where Mike and I stood as we tried to decide what to get. I remembered what we ordered, and I could see us sitting in the spot where it happened. The table and chairs had been moved, and in its place was a group of people standing, but the image of us sitting there was still fresh in my mind.
Sigh… I hope he’s doing okay. I really do. I want him to be happy and to make good decisions in college…
Anyway! Classes started on Tuesday, meaning I am officially a sophomore. Yay? Actually, I liked being a freshman. It gave me an excuse to be clueless. Plus, freshmen are hotter than sophomores. JK. I don’t know why I said that…
I also moved in to my new apartment. It’s spiffy! Yeah, I miss having my own space and not having to worry about other people, but hopefully living with my sister and her [somewhat high-maintenance] friend won’t be too bad.
Well, I should probably go and be more productive with my time…
July 27, 2007
Happy Birthday to Me
Surprise of all surprises, guess who I actually got to spend part of my birthday with. Yeah, Mike. And a few other people. It wasn’t really a celebration or anything. Just hanging out. I didn’t think Mike would actually call Jake back and agree to hang out with us. It was weird. And made me wish I looked cuter that night. Also, upon my request, Mike and I actually got to spend some one-on-one time together, talking about stuff. And he gave me a ride to ADD’s house.
It was really nice talking to and seeing him. And yes, there were times when I was flat-out staring at him and his butt or undressing him with– Whatever. It was nice. And holy-buckets-batman, the boy smelled good. It’s the best smell in the world. Hands down. It’s probably the only smell that drives me crazy. Seriously. You know those girls in the Axe/Tag/whatever commercials? Yeah, that was basically me when Mike and I were still going out. I mean, there were just some days when he smelled exceptionally amazing. Okay, I think I’m getting a bit carried away. Anyway, it was nice.
But after he left, I could feel this wave of emotion coming over me, and I was sad again. Yeah… not gonna go into that. Otherwise, this post is going to be three times longer than it is right now. But I will say that I would rather have seen Mike than not see him at all. It was worth it.
You know, maybe being 19 won’t be so bad.
July 26, 2007
Goodbye 18
These are my last few hours as an 18-year old. Sigh…
I really liked being 18. It was probably the best year of my life [so far]. Yeah, I tend to say that every year, but 18 was really fun. I mean, c’mon, I had a sweet boyfriend! And I got to celebrate my 18th birthday with him as well as a few of my friends. Tomorrow, I will have no boyfriend to celebrate with, and all of my friends are pretty much busy. Even I’m busy. Just how different this year is going to be makes me not want to celebrate my birthday. Really. I don’t even want any cake. But knowing my family, they’ll probably get an ice cream cake and make me blow out the candles. I’d really like the day to just come and pass, just like any other day. I’m just not in the mood to celebrate, and I’m totally okay with not doing so.
Nineteen just seems like such a boring age… Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to see what tomorrow and the next year brings.
July 4, 2007
Ooh… Aah…
This year’s fireworks and Fourth of July made me really nostalgic… Damn.
A year ago today, I spent practically the whole day with Mike. I watched him march in a parade, we hung out at a park, walked by the lake, and then went to another park where they had an orchestra and booths set up with food. We spent all day walking around and listening to the orchestra. And when it got darker, we sat on a bench, shared a blanket, and watched the fireworks. With my family. It was really nice, even with my whole family there. Afterwards, Mike drove my family and me to our car, but the traffic was so bad that it took an hour to get out. Ha, that was funny. And awkward.
This year, I went to the parade, but Mike wasn’t there. Instead of hanging out with him and some friends, I hung out with my family. And it rained. Also, this goes without saying, but I didn’t enjoy the fireworks nearly as much as I did last year. However, they did get me to start thinking about something.
Fireworks are a lot like relationships. They start out small, harmless-looking, and very grounded. Then you give it a little fire and it gets a little more interesting. Things get off the ground and escalate higher and higher until you’ve got your head in the clouds and don’t want to come back down. And really, why would you want to? It feels pretty darn awesome. But then, things change.
The relationship blows up.
Yup, that’s right. Into a million little pieces. Then it just physically fades away until you’re ready to start another relationship– another firework. Hopefully one that’s bigger and prettier. But alas, those are likely to blow up and fade as well. That is, until you reach the end of the fireworks show.
The Grand Finale. You find someone really special and a relationship that’s so wonderful that all the fireworks are going off at once. It’s so grand and overwhelming, and it almost feels like it’s never going to stop. If you’re lucky, it won’t and you’ll just be in that relationship, or watching those fireworks, for a long time. You don’t have to settle for those dinky little fireworks anymore. Ultimately, it’s what everyone’s looking for.
This may seem naïve of me to say, but I really felt like Mike could’ve been my Grand Finale. I mean, how could he have been just a single firework? He was pretty awesome (before he started worrying about long distance relationships). I’m worried that any future relationships I may be in won’t compare to what we once had. And I’m not making it any easier. I’ve been told that I’m not letting anyone in. I think I’m also rushing things. I’m only 18, but I already want to be in a really serious relationship. I want my finale. Now. Sigh… I’m sure it has something to do with being surrounded by weddings and babies… Dammit.
So, those were my thoughts during this year’s Independence Day. Depressing, wasn’t it? Let’s hope that I’m in a better mood next year.
