Commitment, Compatibility, Cohabitation

I sometimes daydream about A. having a serious boyfriend, and B. moving in with him before getting married. That setup always sounds so wonderful and flawless in my head. But then I remember the points in C. this article (“Why Cohabitation Doesn’t Work”) and I immediately snap back to reality and realize how cohabitation isn’t the best idea.

Yes, that's a castle and a cat

I never really had a firm stance on cohabitation until a year ago when one of the pastors at the Rock gave a sermon about relationships. He mentioned a lot of the same arguments made in that RELEVANT article and it freaking blew my mind. Just recently, my missionary friend Jordan linked this article on his Twitter and it’s been a great reminder of the downfalls of cohabitation before marriage. If you haven’t already clicked on the link, I recommend you do so. It’s a good read.

Essentially, some people who live together before marriage have the mentality of “Let’s try this setup to see if we’re compatible. If it turns out we can’t live together, we’ll just break up.” Of course, if it turns out they can live together, they decide to get married. Starting off this way is dangerous because that mentality can carry over after the couple says “I do,” and when disagreements start cropping up, they get divorced.

On the other hand, when a couple waits until after marriage to live together, they’re more likely to enter their living situation with the mentality of “I’ve already committed to this person and that commitment will be the basis of our compatibility and how we get along.” So instead of compatibility leads to commitment, it’s commitment leads to compatibility.

Does that make sense? I think it makes sense.

While the temptation to move in with a boyfriend is strong (ha, it’s funny (read: sad) that I feel that even though I’m not seeing anyone…), I’d rather wait until we’re married to live together. Besides, doing it that way seems more fun and exciting anyway.

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